demasiadoooooo
@alaindebotton - we wouldnt attempt to lend a 747without training yet assume the no-less-difficult task of marriage can happen ´intuitively´.
What follows are 2 edited emails. i thought this could be a non-traditional update. - Sort of a, been one year evaluation of what I have learned, whereI am, and where I am going. One to a volunteer friend who is currently serving with his wifein Thailand, the other to a dear friend. Both were classmates of mine in graduate school.
Hey,
No, unfortunately I did not have enough time to check out the HBH.
The next day, we went on this all afternoon tour and couldn’t get to
the other side of town before it was too late. Trip was great though,
glad to be back. I missed it in a odd way, being in country. Practicum/thesis stuff
still isn’t existent. I have a couple ideas, for the thesis,
introducing the pigeon pea plant as a much needed plant in my
community, it has so many uses, great nitrogen fixation in the ground, the peas
can be used for animal feed, for human consumption, kindling for fire
and it is perennial. The idea of the multiple uses - could fit in
with my sustainable resource management theme, another idea is dealing
with a garbage project, but I am not sure how these things work out.
———- is not being the greatest with support so I am just sort of
doing it freely. Majority of my work right now, cannot be used
(hiv/aids work, general health, life planning) so I am unsure on how
to turn that into a thesis. Practicum, again ….. Also thinking
about a solar fruit dryer idea. Currently trying to see if there is
any interest/taste for the fruit. Some senoras like it, some don’t.
My problem right now, is that the community groups that I work with,
just want money or currently, chicken coups (that many that have don’t
even use). They don’t care to work together and learn about new
technologies or bettering their lives with working together and with
me, rather just want to ask the government for money. And this is a
bit frustrating for me, it isn’t the corruption of the government that is the problem, it
is just the idea, of grassroots development, while also trying to
write a thesis on something that the community wants. I can
understand the freedom and creativity of “in theory” how the MI works.
But so far, just have nothing but dead ends. I will continue to be
patience and look for opportunities. I can blame ….., but I just need to persevere and find a solution. Don’t get me wrong, I love where I am and what I do. I guess, I just need someone
to affirm my MI status (i.e. …. - Wow, excuse the rant, but I think in this situation, it
is needed! Maybe something to better the MI program as a whole.)
Yeah, you are right. But once you get used to it, it is fine. I
am not constantly productive, but neither is anyone else really. It is something as volunteers around theworld feel.
Here, in the summer time, things just seem to completely shut down.
No school, no government, nothing really. Everyone just sits outside
their house to pass the heat.
I have been thinking about what I want to do post PC a lot lately. I
still looking at going the MD route, just not sure when. I am looking
at 2014, the next fall after I COS but would like to work in a job
where I can actually use my degrees that year upon returning. Maybe
the EPA office back home in Pensacola, or a FDA lab in Alabama,
consulting? Not sure, something civil service related hopefully. Or
maybe back to school for a year, to prepare for Medschool? What are
you thinking about? I have a couple schools that I am interested in.
My parents are coming at the end of April, so I am sure this will
likely be the main topic talked about.
Until then, I will continue drinking terere, drying fruit, crocheting
with plastic bags and talking about girls in guarani with the men. We
live such bizarre lives.
I am glad to hear ——— is having a better experience. Would you
mind giving me your telephone number again (i think you already gave
it to me but I lost it), I will try to call you sometime in the next
two weeks when I head to the big city, for the superbowl and NVAC.
I miss our oysters.
and
Paraguay? Paraguay is hot and dry. We are currently in a drought and I believe the government has declared a state of agricultural emergency. It is summer time and nothing happens. Schools shut down, the government shuts down, pretty much the life of everyone right now in the campo, is to work in the fields from 6-8am and then the rest of the day just sit outside the house and drink terere and talk gossip. I am currently working on this bag, that I have been crocheting from plastic bags, all the different colors, makes it look pretty cool! Trying to get the community to think about plastic bags and their use in their lives. I have been reading a lot, most recently, John Perkins, Confessions of an Economic Hitman, a book called Hobo about tramping in america, holy shit, a book about manure and its use in our modern culture, and some alain de botton, his art of travel book - I love the way he makes me think. Life is slow and lonely. But I am enjoying it with all I can. My parents are coming down at the end of March for 2 weeks so I look forward to that. ………. I have found, that generally speaking, people do not like to confront their weaknesses, and at times, that is all I talk about (not weaknesses, but being better right? transformation and growth) - and ….. is not up for it - but regardless, it is swell. The land down under that is, - I have 15 months left, all my community wants is money and a chicken coup for every house, not necessarily to work together for a common goal or to help others, but just money and a house for their chickens. Not like the ones that already have coups, use them…but who am I to say what they deserve or need. A lot about service is about your role and the different roles you play. You can treat it as an outside contractor, as an actual community member, and as the ever so common, the token Norte. (come over to take some pictures of my family, can i use your internet? there is a lot of money in the us right? black skin is ugly, are you going to llevar a chica when you leave? etc.) I have a lot of plans this year for the school - I am interested to see how it plays out - I can’t seem to get out of that pre-contemplation, contemplation phase in the project cycle. It is not necessarily my fault, cause these projects are suppose to be grassroots right? I feel like a therapist, ……. encouraging others, family, friends, PCV friends struggling in site, with relationships, dealing with the guilt of coming from a well to do family, the famous sustainability argument, on and on. But I cannot forget to listen to myself sometimes. We must keep our wells filled too! - I have started this get fit 2012 thing, actually since November, and I feel great - building the core up for my marathon go in August. I am going for the full. Um, still thinking about buying a horse and I picked up a puppy from my neighbor. - That would bring my animals to a total of 2 cats, 3 dogs and a possible horse. But why not? Christmas, it sprinkled which lead to the electricity going out - it was dark and sort of sad (Actually saw this super gnarly thing and I took a picture of it and sent it to you as a postcard, I hope you get it in probably 3 months —— (it was a double rainbow!!! OHMYGOD ) - I have been making a lot of molasses cookies and when cooking with garlic (every meal, i think it is a wonder food) I now smash the clove and then cut. The power of the garlic is stronger! I still have a weekly rash problem and on my multiple benadryl a day diet. I brought a senora to tears yesterday, but explaining genes (specifically about the puppies and why all the boys are all black and the one girl (mine - I think I will call her nola) is white) and the reason why her daughter and granddaughter are so smart are because of her, etc. She started to cry. She is sort of my mother here and I am thankful for her. Neurotic in all the right ways. Coming back from vacation in chile (which was pretty fun actually, a great place - a latino version of the states) I was in the airport in Argentina waiting on my connecting flight working on a kenken puzzle 7X7 (so hard!) and listening to drakes new album - (i dig it). I almost started to cry about how uncool I believed I was. How everyone in this airport had this and that, fashionable (“look at her boots!”), cultural (i currently resent the ipad, fast internet), nice vibrant clothes and colors. While I was looking like a tramp (which isn’t bad), with my 4 year old chacos, sunned out (because of hand washing and sun drying) pants rolled up (ALWAYS!), stretched out vneck (i wore those in the clubs during vacation!) and my bright orange smelly pullover. At that instant, I thought I would never be cool again, in every way. Then, I had this huge rush of emotion that in one drop of a hat, I could have it all. But the weird thing was, I didn’t want it. Just there, I realized how removed you can become. From reality due to cultural and the flow of life. Anyways - flew in to asu, got a taxi to a friends house, spent time with him (sort of a a debrief from vacation), got on a bus the next day and went back to my life here. It is weird walking through immigration with that passport and the visa. Like I am a resident but only temporary. Dropping some guarani on people who just assume something else. This is my current home. And I dig it, oddly! I got 15 months in me! Well, I believe this is it - enjoy it. Feels great to get it out, I hope I did not burden you too much…..
-
Again, I hope you enjoyed these messages.Do not worry! Please don´t send me messages about staying ahead, keeping my head up, my sprit high and that everything is all good. I know!! I get it, I just believe sometimes it is important to accurately describe how one feels and to move on from it. I believe this is what happens to people, once they reach a point in where ever they are (me about halfway through service), to evaluate, learn and understand . This is something that I have found myself to be incredibly good at. I hope you enjoy it.
